Monday, May 3, 2010

Want to help?

So here's the deal... this is going to be a long post. Prepare yourself. :)  We all know I'm wordy... but this may be a little extreme.  So I'm just giving you a head's up. :)

As you all know, we recently moved to a duplex a few minutes away from our old home. I love the setting... gorgeous back yard, in our price range, great neighbors on the other side of the duplex.  It's fantastic. Except that there are some really crappy neighbors.  The first night we were there (just bringing some stuff over) a girl pushed Haley down the hill.  The next day a boy told his dog to "get them" and gestured towards my children.  The next day a mom came over to tell me that it is a rough crowd, and that she heard her boys using words she didn't approve of with my kids.  This is the only house that has parents who pay attention. No, I'm really not joking.  There are kids everywhere, but no parents save this one mother trying to raise her children to not do what every other kid in the neighborhood is doing.  Sigh.

So to get to the point..  on Saturday my sister (she rocks!) was helping me finally get my stuff from the old house.  We left our three children at my home while we ran there to load up the car. While we were there I got a phone call from Haley saying that there were some kids harassing them in our yard, and she had asked them to leave. They refused.  So when I got home, I went back and told the kids that they needed to leave.  None of them moved very quickly... instantly the husband of the mom mentioned before was there to retrieve his kids.  The two girls were not moving.  I told them that they were welcome to come and play in my yard when if they asked permission, or were playing with my kids, otherwise they needed to leave. Still not moving.  I went to the front of the house to finish unpacking the car, and the girls took a few minutes to come out and leave.  On their way out I told them that if they continued to be there without permission I would call the police.  Okay... let me just say that I know that's extreme...but I had had 3 separate people (including my landlord) tell me that that was what I needed to do... since I had already told the children to not be in my back yard. 

Yesterday the girls' father came over.  He told me that I was rude for threatening his children... and that that was not the way to "make friends" in this neighborhood.  I said, well, I asked them to leave and they did not, and this is my yard. He proceeded to tell me that they were not on my "side" of the yard.  (Which is funny, because the ladies on the other side of the duplex have been very clear that the entire yard is for both sides).  I had talked to the neighbor on Friday and she had expressed that she has told the neighborhood kids that they are NOT to be in our yard.  I told him as much.  He replied "Then she's lying to one of us, because she gave my kids permission to be there."  He proceeded to tell me that if I was going to threaten his children, he would call the police every time I "speed down this street". I replied that I don't go about 25, and that I was yelled at one day while going 20 after I had just let 2 girls cross the street in front of me.  He told me if I got yelled at that it was for good reason... "What if a kid darted out into the street?" So... he just told me that he would call the police if he felt I was going too fast... even if it was under the speed limit.  He proceeded to tell me that my kids aren't allowed in their yards or anyone else's. 

At this point I'm not sure what to do. I told the kids that they are to play in our yard... and if they would like to invite kids over to our yard anyone is welcome after an invitation or if they ask permission. But I don't feel comfortable with them in other people's yards anymore. I literally felt a little weird going to bed last night... and went and double checked our locks.  He was agitated, loud and just plain not nice. :(  So what is your advice?  Do you let kids in your yard at all hours? I feel like my children should be able to ask someone to leave their own yard.  I also feel like I have not done anything wrong by driving 20 down the road while stopping for kids when I see them. Be honest folks... I need it.  Oh, and if you're still reading... you rock. :)

22 comments:

Island Girl said...

Well that sucks girlfriend! Sorry you have to go through all of this.

Carrie said...

What a bully! I would re-confirm with your neighbor about what she said to the kids, and what he said to you, at the very least. And honestly, since when is he the spokesperson for the entire neighborhood and their yards?

Make friends with the "good" neighbor and the rest can piss off. The police aren't going to do anything if he calls them. Maybe they'll put up a speed trap, but really, what can they do unless they catch someone speeding?

I'm sure he's just acting like a butthead because he thinks he can get away with it.

If worse comes to worse and your kids keep getting harassed, talk to your landlord about getting the yard fenced in if it isn't already, with a locking latch so the other kids can't just wander in if they feel like it. The safety of your family comes first!

Lolli072 said...

Yes I was going to suggest getting a fence as well. I grew up in the smallest of towns, where kids played with every other kid, and even then nobody came onto your property without permission. Sounds like a big ol' bully to me. :-/

Tasha said...

Oh sad. Man, how frustrating. I totally agree with everyone else and you! I love that his children are not even watched and he thinks they should be able to do whatever they want. Nice. I would be a little nervous too. I like the fence idea...but if it cannot happen I think you stick to what you said. Be as nice as you can to everyone to try and show you are a good neighbor, but at the same time hold your ground. And if anything...if the police did get called I am sure they are going to side with YOU! He is dumb for even being that way. It is your property. Hello. Goodluck...and so frustrating. Wish I was more help.

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Catherine said...

I'm not a big fan of calling the police unless you have a real emergency, so unless you were truly concerned that your kids or you were in danger, I'd leave the police out of it.

I'd be polite to neighbors that are nice to me and f the others. That's a little moderately edited honesty. :)

Be consistent with the kids - - both yours and the other neighborhood ones. Your rules are your rules and that is your yard. If they can't behave, they need to go to their own homes.

Oh, and I'd check with your duplex neighbor too - - just let her know the other guy said she's sending mixed messages and you just wanted to doublecheck if it's okay with her that you send the kids home when needed.

Good luck!

Jenni Renee said...

I would say that you do need to remain firm. I dont have kids of my own however we have the biggest yard on our street and we also have the sled riding hill in our backyard so you can understand the traffic we get in the winter. we have certain rolls for our yard reguarding kids and that is 1. no bullying and 2. we must be home in order for kids to be sled riding to prevent anyone from getting hurt and not being supervised. We have expressed that if they are broken kids will not be allowed over and if need by we will fense in our property. I do however agree that people should ask to come over. you never know what a family might be doing that day and itis out of respect. wishing you the best.

Renée T. Bouchard said...

That is rough. I read that blog post while my neighbor screamed profanities at her family out in front of their townhouse, so I understand crappy neighbors. It sounds like they are being unreasonable bullies to me. And to quote "Love Actually" a fabulous movie, "Bullies only respond to strength." So be strong. Good luck!

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Maxabella said...

Nightmare! But you've gotta nip this one in the bud if you're ever going to sleep happy in your lovely new home. Even though it hurts, I would bake some muffins and take them over to Bully Dad's house as a peace offering. Smile warmly and say "I think we got off on the wrong foot" and then hopefully you can sit down and discuss the situation. If he slams the door in your face, you're at war in your own neighbourhood and things are really gonna be tough.

PS - new to your blog and love it.

Pedro Garcia Millan said...

YOU ARE 100% CORRECT IN WHAT YOU SAY BUT THERE IS MORE.....

You see, Bush Sr., & Jr., Clinton, Regan, Carter, Obama, Ford...ALL these presidents are in what is dubbed a SECRET SOCIETY called The Moloch Axis Demoniacs (i coined the phrase myself...Dr. A.P. and i don't use my full name because WHO knows WHAT sinister crap they'd do to me IF they found out?) or M.A.D. for short.

These people, and there’s obviously more of them (Cheney, Rumsfeld etc.) than the ones mentioned, control KEY positions not just in government, business, society etc. They are GRADUALLY erroding MORAL/FAMILY VALUES in society. SO gradual that it's like hairloss! You see it ever so slowly and you have to be a keen eye to boot!

For example, women in the workforce...they go to work so WHO takes care of the kids? Some goofs getting minimum wage who could care less about those kids. Family split apart because NOW both parents work and the cost of life itself purposely increased to perpetuate this separation. Kids grow up with NO moral/family values. Repeat this a few generations and before you know it, you have mindless zombies that don't know RIGHT from WRONG! Easily programmable to get in debt, be anti-christ-like etc.

Also, the coming mark of the beast 666. Remember HOW it all used to be ca$h only? Then they introduced checks, then credit cards to get yourself in serious financial troubles, then ATM cards, and now that STUPID SWIPE-PASS card. What is the purpose of all this? To get people broken down enough and stupid enough through putting FLUORIDE in the drinking water and ASPERTAME in soda drinks/pop cans so we ALL can accept the 666 chip. So NOBODY can buy or sell or own ANYTHING lest he has the mark of the beast (anti-christ) which is 666.

I can go on for days & days as to the subtleties and more examples but i think you all SEE the points i make here. It's all SUBTLE and GRADUAL negative changes day in & day out that these M.A.D. demons (because they are demonic and have placed their trust in demons in exchange for their souls and material possessions here on earth) are passing into laws in Canada, USA, UK, SPAIN, FRANCE etc.

Mary Verdery said...

I would suggest getting your problems and any other neighbors "issues" in writing....then make sure your landlord has a copy of it. He/she may be able to do something more than you because he/she is the homeowner!! While I hate that you have been put in this position its nice to know that other people have to deal with stuff like this and need advice on how to deal with it! hope it all works out!!! keep us posted

A mom like you, well maybe. said...

Talk to the landlord about this... this is an uncomfortable, hostile living environment. Is the landlord semi responsible for maintaining the living environment? I really hope this works out for you, you seem like a thoughtful caring person. Maybe your energy is needed in that neighborhood to kinda help "weigh it out." Good Luck.

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OluOla said...

hi im a first time visitor to your blog and i find what your neighbour did not so nice.
well im from Africa & here in Nigeria where am from, a man dont come & threaten another man's wife & vice versa. i think your husband should take up the challenge and go over to his house and give him the word of his life...next time he'll learn not to mess around with someone else's wife Period!

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Starry said...

Hi, my name's Starry, I live in Australia, its my first time reading your blog.
I'm sorry you are not getting a warm welcome into the neighbourhood, and its very hard for me to give advice. I can only say that I relate to your feelings and I hope the best for you and your family.
A while ago I was in my bedroom changing my shirt and looked up and found a kid probably about 12, sitting on the fence looking in my window. I banged on the window and told him to leave. Later on the same afternoon I saw him again on the fence, so I ran outside and told the neighbour... he said there's nothing I can do its not my kid. I asked who's kid is was. 'How would I know?'. Exactly, I thought, the parents have no idea who their own kids play with or what they get up to!

All I can say is that you are the good kind of parent, the kind that cares to know, and if this guy is making trouble for you, you can count on it he makes it for others, so you must have allies out there, hopefully enough kind people to make living where you are more enjoyable.
my very best wishes to you, Starry

Kelly O. said...

Hey,
how are things? are you okay?
I'm just getting back into blogging and blog reading after having my baby in July and have noticed you haven't been around.
hope all is well.
Kel

Haley said...

Um... I don't know if I want a fence at my house, especially not one with a padlock. Davis and I would get made fun of. Plus, we might feel a little bit like we were on the wrong side of the cage at the zoo.